go here. please.

vote. please.

jones soda is delightful. hooray for canada! please.

i fidget a lot. especially at the end of a work day. i get really antsy because freedom is near.

the other day was no exception. i was in my office putting up some new photographs on my walls and on my door when my friend tracey came over to my humble work space. she looked around at the barrage of visual stimulation on my walls and on my shelves and asked where do you get this from, and by this i mean the artistic aspect of your personality?

i told her that part of it comes from my father, who has his own unique artistic side to him, but that i also get some of it from my mother, who was/is very artistic herself as well. she was/is quite the actress. she used to direct the plays at my high school when i was young, and i would go to her play practices just to watch her and the students. i was only 6 or 7, but i remember it vividly. there were even a few plays that required children, and so i got to participate in some small ways. she also had/has the most beautiful handwriting that i’ve ever seen. i still have a few notes and letters that she wrote, and every so often someone will come up to me and hand me a note of encouragement or verse scribbled on a post-it note that my mother had given them 15 or 20 years ago. she was always writing.

i wonder a lot who i would have become had i had the influence of my mother from the age of 12 until now i told tracey as she continued to look at a few photographs. i know that my mother’s influence has been with me this whole time, but i think you understand what i mean.

tracey stopped looking at the photographs and looked right at me. she told me that she is who she is largely because of her formative years in her youth, the circumstances that surrounded her and the influences around her. she said that a lot of who she is today is because of the things she has gone through, both good and bad. it’s the same for me.

——————————————

and it’s the same for you. you are who you are because of the things you’ve gone through. God has taken you through some very specific things, both big and small, to shape you into who He wants you to be. it’s true. it’s not always easy, but it’s true.

——————————————

that evening i went to my home group to eat with my friends (and drink eggnog. oh yes.) and to pray for and with each other. this is such a healing time for me (partly because of the eggnog, but mostly because of the prayer). i don’t know what it is about praying with other people, but there’s power in it somehow.

we went around the room discussing three individual things that we would like each other to intercede to God for on our behalf, everyone with their own unique situations and needs, joys, pains, and victories. it’s a vulnerable time, but for me it’s really necessary to do because i’m so awesome at bottling in, err…., everything. yes. in this group of people i have no choice but to speak, because they all know that silence means bad. they’ve watched me for years suppress so much, and when i’m really quiet i get this eye from my friend matthew that says you can’t hide from this stuff forever. i know he’s right.

so when it came to be my turn i looked into my cup of tea (because when i don’t want to talk i sheepishly look into the drink of choice which i happen to be holding that moment) and asked that my friends would pray for a few things regarding my memory of my mother and how to deal with pain and emotion today. but here’s what got me; it’s something i’d never really given much thought to in the past:

matthew prayed that God would restore the time lost. that what was lost will someday be reconciled and renewed.

and then, with God’s mild sense of humor, this morning i read in joel how God wanted to restore years lost to His people. restoration is in the heart of God. it is who He is. He says come back. I am full of grace. I am full of compassion. let Me restore what was lost. i had somehow not given much thought to this attribute of God, but has renewed something in me this morning as i write.

i believe this to be true:

life is not easy. there have been times in your life when you have felt wronged or abandoned. maybe someone or something caused you pain that is almost unbearable at times. or maybe you don’t feel as though something tragic has happened to you, but there are years that you wish you could have back so that you could have made decisions that would be more honoring to the King. more honoring to others. more loving.

i have come to believe that God is a God of restoration. of redemption. of rescue.

i believe that God wants to restore you. me. i don’t claim to have all of the answers, nor do i claim to understand God very well, if at all. but i do know that rescue is central to who He is.

so i hope that you, friend, will be restored today. i hope that you will be rescued and gain a more full understanding that God loves you. your past. your present. your pains. your failings and victories. all of it.

all of it.

you are who you are because He formed you this way. and He wants you to be who you will be under his rescuing and redemptive hand.

and as i live, i keep hearing Him say come back. i love you. i want you for who you are. come back. keeping coming back.

normally i don’t write about my own writing (?), but this is classic.

sometimes i write things for other people/publications. usually it’s stuff taken verbatim from this site. i enjoy it. i hope other people enjoy it. it’s a win win.

sometimes people don’t enjoy it. still a win win to me. i can take it.

so i wrote something that got put on a particular website, and someone left this comment on the article:

If you think God is telling you to do things, then you may want to consider formal therapy. I’m not joking. I’m serious. Science proves your conscience is not a god, it’s your brain. Your not Moses. Deal.

my first response would be: Grammar!

my second response would be: you’re probably right. i think therapy would be a healthy thing for me. if you know a good therapist then please, let me know.

my third response would be: do you really think that someone who would ask a statue on a date needs therapy?

there are few times that i am more content in life then when i am traveling or hiking. in college i would go out on the appalachian trail every weekend to go running. on spring breaks i would get in my car, drop it off somewhere north, and then have a buddy pick me up and take me 55 miles south so i could spend the week walking the trail.

object of each day: eat. talk to people. walk north. don’t die.

all i had in the world was what was on my back. for those few days i didn’t have a car, an apartment, a computer, chipotle down the street (oh sweet bliss), or anything of monetary value. on my back i had a few t-shirts, some pants, a jacket, a few books, my chacos and a bit of food that would last me for the week.

it was the same for me when i was traveling in europe. i spent 2.5 months walking and talking to people. all i owned in the world was a beard and what was in my backpack. i also had this wonderful blanket that i got from the goodwill which filled the roles of pillow, sleeping pad, picnic table, warmth keeper, and flag. everybody needs a flag to hang out the window of a speeding train whilst passing through macedonia yelling out quotes from the life aquatic at the top of your lungs.

it was when i was traveling, whether that be through countries or on trails, that i realized that all i needed in the world was God and people, food and shelter. my list of needs grew smaller and smaller as the days passed. i began to realize that God actually wanted to feed me, even when the prospect of finding food seemed a bit grim.

i found that my relationships grew stronger during this period of my life as well, whether those relationships had just been formed that very day or if they were long lived relationships that i was keeping up with an ocean away. i thought of my family and friends far more often. i missed them dearly and i longed to communicate with them in some way. what i didn’t think was, “man, i miss my computer.”

i guess you could say that my priorities changed.

there’s a saying amongst hikers that goes the less you have, the better off you are. i think that it’s true, both on the trail and in life. i keep reading all these things Jesus said about money and it scares me. it scares me that Jesus said that it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. i know that i am one of the richest people in the world right now. i’m in the top 1%. chances are that you, friend, are in the top 1% as well.

i look at Jesus and it scares me. when asked point blank about how to inherit eternal life, Jesus, in his answer, includes selling everything you have, giving the money to the poor, and then following Him. i look at the heart of God and i know that His heart is for people, not stuff. this scares me.

i’ve got so much stuff.

i’m trying to figure out how i can simplify my life. i’m trying to figure out how i can be the most generous person to ever walk the face of the earth. what if, when someone talks about you to other people, one of the first things they say is that, “wow. she is so incredibly generous with her stuff and her time…”? what if that was how you were known?

i believe that i am a part of an upside down kingdom.

_to be last is to be first
_to be low is to be high
_to be humbled is to be exalted
_to die is to live
_to be poor is to be rich
_to have less is to have more

in the kingdom of God, i am starting to really believe that less is more. this may not be the case for you, but i believe that it is for me. i know that my most contented times in life have been when i have less. when i am giving more. when i am reaching out. when people, not stuff, are on my mind.

i think this plays out in a few different ways, and i am wrestling through them. i have no idea what it means to have a wife and a family and get to provide for them. i can’t imagine how hard that must be at a times and how wonderful it must be overall. but as a single guy, i think this all plays out in the practical way of me giving away a lot of my stuff. it plays out in me living on less so i can give more.

the other day i wanted to get a book for a friend, but i didn’t want to spend the 20 bucks to buy it. i already had the book on my bookshelf, but i wanted the copy for myself. but then i remembered that less is more. i took the book and put it in the mail. it’s simple, but it’s complex.

a few weeks ago my friend and i saw a really nice BMW parked way in the back of a shopping complex parking lot. they were parked at a bit of an angle in their parking spot as if to say, “stay away. i’m too awesome to be in the vicinity of your ‘89 honda with a moon roof.” my friend and i then discussed how that guy or girl most likely isn’t quick to lend out his or her car. they are most likely scared to let it get a scratch. i then realized how greatful i am to a.) have a vehicle and b.) have a vehicle that i am in no way scared to let someone borrow because they might scratch its beautiful paint.

to me, less is more.

i’ve come to find this kingdom of God to be terribly difficult at times. it really is. but i also believe that it is good. and it is in those times that i’ve described above that i find myself to be at most peace with God, and therefore filled with more joy than i’d imagined possible.

so i gave my first sermon ever this past sunday morning. somehow i ended up telling people that i never want to go to church again and that i like beer.

good start, right?

you can go here if you want to listen to it via podcast. because there’s no video, i feel the need to tell you that i wore my favorite cardigan at our gathering. i think it added a special dynamic to the morning.

THE FUTURE! TURE! TURE!TURE!

- tonight i’m going to see death cab for cutie in indianapolis. they are sure to make me incredibly happy and very sad all in the same moment. oh how i love them. (photo from deathcabforcutie.com)

- i recently signed up for The Huntington Huff 50k in huntington, indiana on december 30th. i became a bit of an addict to running whilst in college, and now it’s just a matter of finding races in my area. virginia has the blue ridge mountains to run through, which are beautiful. indiana has, um, corn? and john mellencamp. the last race i ran was the prauge international marathon, and as i you can see, i was totally beating that old guy in the blue leotard.

- i also signed up for isn’t she beautiful [a conference celebrating the local church] at mars hill bible church in grandville, michigan on january 22nd and 23rd. one of rob bell’s teachings is entitled a few thoughts on God, Jesus, salvation, judgment, heaven, hell, who’s in, who’s out, and the end of the world as we know it. a fluffy topic, if you ask me. (when i google image searched rob bell, this photo of a fanny pack came up. appropriate, i think.)

- in february i’m going to uganda with my father to do some work at an orphanage. i have never been to africa, so i’m asking God that He will absolutely rip me a new one. i think He will. also, i’m going to be taking a few cameras and film and such, and if any of you know whether you can or cannot take cameras and film on planes, well i’d appreciate your insight if you have any. (and yes, uganda has a marching chicken with a hat on in the middle of its flag. so amazing.)

- lastly, i am in the process of planning a month and a half road trip across the united states this coming july/august before i move to seattle to attend mars hill grad school. i’ve never traveled that long in a car before, but i think fezzik (my ‘89 honda with a moon roof) and i will be just fine. who knows. maybe i’ll run into you while i’m out and about. i’d always be up for having a meal together.

(our flag=no marching chicken, but we’ve got, um, stripes. yes. stripes. and little white stars.)

it’s easy to ignore stirrings in my soul.

and i’ve found it to be true that whenever i feel God nudging me to do something, it’s typically very awkward and uncomfortable. rarely, if ever, is it easy. i’m still waiting for God to say, “Joshua. Go. Buy as many tacos from Taco Bell as you can afford. Eat. Watch Scrubs on TiVo. Enjoy.”

is it odd that God has this sort of caveman vernacular in my head? just me? ok.

fort wayne, indiana isn’t exactly the most scenic place to live. i’m not complaining, because i do love it here. it’s just that i also love mountains and clean rivers and trails that run from georgia to maine and girls who know how to build their own fires. it’s an attractive quality, i admit.

so i take what i can get. fort wayne has a path called the river greenway that stretches about 21 miles (hardly georgia to maine) through the city. i drive out to it to go running as often as i can. it’s a very peaceful place with lots of families on bikes and runners and walkers and old men holding the hands of old women. it’s lovely.

i was running on the greenway yesterday working through my teaching in my head. i don’t listen to music when i run because then i can’t think, and my times of running are my times to clear my head and process thoughts. so, i got about halfway through my run when i passed an elderly gentleman sitting on a park bench with a really large walking sticks. first of all, i think walking sticks are neat. secondly, i wear velcro shoes almost every day during the winter, so i can relate on at least one level to people of that generation who simply don’t see the need to tie their shoes. i understand completely. extra work? who needs it. i’ve got enough to do already.

i waved to the man as i ran by. he smiled and waved back. that’s when it hit me.

————————

turn around.

what? no. no. i’m in a good stride. i don’t even know that guy.

turn around.

this is just silly. no. it would be awkward and i don’t even have anything to say.

turn arou…

fine. but if i do this then i get tacos tonight.

————————

i turned and ran back to the man sitting down on the bench.

good weather today, isn’t it? i said to the stranger.

oh yes. why yes it is. these days come few and far between this time of year. i really love all of the……

the next 20 or so minutes were filled with charles telling me all about his job, his passion for the outdoors, his time in the navy, how he walks this 6 miles stretch every other day or so. it was brilliant. rather, he was brilliant. nothing profound happened. no miraculous conversion occurred out there on the greenway. i didn’t draw a chasm with a bridge and a cross and writing the word sin in the chasm. i simply listened. he told stories. that was it.

and i could tell that he needed it, too. it seemed as though charles had all of these things that he wanted to share but just didn’t have the opportunity to do so as often as he’d like.

i think that’s all there was to it that day. i don’t think there was some other agenda that i missed or didn’t fulfill. i think the agenda was love. that’s it. it may seem simple, to be me it’s so incredibly complex and intricate. it’s because of things like this in my recent past that i’ve begun to ask God to stir things within me more and more. i want those nudges. pulls. pushes. i want those things that can seemingly be awkward or uncomfortable at first, because i don’t believe that this kingdom is a kingdom of comfort and ease. i do believe that at times it can be hard and challenging. this circumstance mentioned above was not exactly very difficult, but the challenging thing was to overcome my insecurities and natural pull away from such instances. that’s the kingdom of which i am a part.

i also believe that it is a kingdom of tacos. and mac computers. because we all know that God uses a mac.

i believe that it’s true.

aiden radcliff//fort wayne, in

alex cooper//woodburn, in

alicia bogdanoff//south korea

abby farmer//phoenix, az

aaron scouten//brooklyn, mi

bobby//akron, oh

anne kenote//paris, france

judah hudson//fort worth, tx

naomi triggs//amsterdam, netherlands

patrick//tulsa, ok

arlenne van leussen//amsterdam, netherlands

sarah grace chinworth//north judson, in

nicole mosser//rowlett, tx

dr. laura holland//tulsa, ok

jennifer hanson//tulsa, ok

isaiah weaver//detroit, mi

anna chaffins//kentuck

amy mattox//huntington, in

beans & reverend andy sikroa//cleveland, oh

brittney boatman//conway, ar

art haddaway//clyde, oh

brian myers//fort wayne, in

brent//chicago, il

rabbi bryan karas//cleveland, oh

brooke marie dodson (so cute)//fort mill, sc

barb’s small group//fort wayne, in

heidi kaufman & sonia garcia//fort wayne, in & puerto rico

chris norman//new haven, in

caleb “i sort of smell” tedder//fort wayne, in

joshua blankenship//dallas, tx

chloe wolma//new york, new york

elizabeth pennington//iowa city, ia

christopher roberts//fort wayne, in

curtis wevodau//enola, pa

cindi farmer//phoenix, az

cody roberts & caitlin springer//fort wayne, in

clarence//camden, nj

dayna//camden, nj

daniel hines//fort wayne, in

david martel//phoenix, az

tory dolan//milwaukee, wi

dano joscak//presov, slovakia

deanna repic & larissa van meter//beaver creek, pa & north webster, in

jen titus//ames, ia

nathaniel hughes//cesky tesin, czech republic

dustin ecker//richmond, in

dustin mcdowell//huntington, in

eric kelly//charlottesville, va

hayley johnson//fort wayne, in

greg dodson//fort mill, sc

essence//camden, nj

ethan radcliff//fort wayne, in

hannah mckinnon//new haven, in

isaiah rohrs//fort wayne, in

herschel french//kentucky

hilde aurora//norway

jason//pennsylvania

greg//vietnam

joshua longbrake//yes.

nathan cooley//soon to be seattle

jeffrey (my forever roommate) fralin//roanoke, va

jessica shuler//ostrava, czech republic

jes shepherd//indianapolis, in

jeff mackin//new haven, in

justin morrell//guilford, vt

joshua radcliff//fort wayne, in

katie rogers//lincoln, il

kate corley//branson, mo

kailee sosnowski//detroit, mi

kimbra//valparaiso, in

korban miller//fort wayne, in

kelley heneveld//paris, france

kendra brenneman//fort wayne, in

khruu usa//chiang mai, thailand

laura bazyn//ostrava, czech republic

lacey hearty//vancouver, british columbia, canada

lauren roth//cleveland, oh

liv cooper//woodburn, in

madison farmer//phoenix, az

matt jones//fort wayne, in

matt kaestner//st. cloud, mn

matthias austin//wheaton, il

matt//birmingham, al

matthew raptis//brattleboro, vt

michelle nalepa//shreveport, la

nateka jackson//birmingham, al

melody//johannesburg, south africa

meghan mcclaine//green castle, in

brilliant//birmingham, al

south korea

olivia carter//nasganistan, tn

ryan exline//asheville, nc

south korea

sir john//thailand

stephanie farmer//phoenix, az

tajmere//camden, nj

south korea

sadie armstrong//fort wayne, in

willie//depends on the season

tim//chicago, il

susan//denver, co

tyler miller//madesto, ca

wes willard//phoenix, az

there are two photos which i was asked to only use in my teaching and not on the internet because the people in the photos are revolutionaries for the Kingdom in their country in asia, so they asked to remain anonymous. i love that. i would like to recognize them here to let them know that they are very much a part of this family. may you, friends, continue to change the world.)

i’m proud to be a part of this family and this kingdom. thank you all so so much for participating. you’re all going to star in my teaching on sunday. go here to watch the video.

again, thank you.

this is it.

please send in your photos by tomorrow (wednesday) morning to be included in our photo project. this community photo project is far and away better than our first one. the message is so bold and the cultures represented are inspiring (and willie’s beard above is amazing).

the entire project will be up tomorrow. right now it looks as though there will be about 60 or so photographs. i don’t think you’re going to be disappointed.

may the kingdom and the family continue to progress, because we are the church.

you are the church.

i am the church.

brilliant. absolutely brilliant.

these photographs stir emotions and renew a passion in me for us, the church. here are a few to wet your pallet before the unveiling of the final project.

please keep sending them in (see instructions in post below if you’re wondering what’s going on). the more people that participate the better the visual we get of who the church really is.

here are three. there will be plenty more on wednesday.

enjoy.

i’m excited about this.

i’m preaching at my local gathering next week. it’s ridiculous, i know, but i want to make the most of it…

…and i need your help.

i’m teaching on the fact that i am the church. you are the church. the people are the church. the building is not the church. the music style isn’t the church. the doughnuts and coffee aren’t the church. we don’t go to church. we are the church. we are the hands and feet of Christ. the whole teaching revolves around this point.

here’s where you come in:

for this community photo project (and by the way, i was absolutely thrilled with all the photos sent in on the last one. thanks so much to all of you who participated.) i want you to make a sign and hold it. it’s a simple sign with simple text. all the sign is to say is:

i am the church.

that’s it. i want a photo of you holding a sign that says “i am the church”. and if you’re living outside the states (or if your first language isn’t english), then please write the text in your own language. the more diversity the better. it doesn’t have to be complex, but it can be if you want. it can be on a notepad or a napkin or it can be on poster board. it’s up to you.

i’m going to do two things with the photos:

1.) i’ll put them up on here as a wonderful display of who we are as followers of Jesus. we will not be a consumer driven church, but rather we will reach out and love, both to the haves and to the have-nots.

2.) while i’m teaching the photos are going to be in a slide show with each photo changing every thirty seconds. so the entire time i’m talking your photos will be going across our screens. i really think it will be a powerful statement. (i’ll do my best to get a recording of the service on here so you can watch it for yourself.)

email your photos to thelongbrake@gmail.com and in the email please include your name and where you’re from. and to be completely honest, the more photos the better; so if you know people who don’t necessarily read this site but do believe the same things regarding the church, then see if they want to participate and direct them this way. i’d be most grateful.

let me know if you have any questions in either the comments section or by emailing me. the deadline is wednesday, november the 8th so that i can combine them for sunday.

thanks so much for participating. i can’t wait to see the results, be it 5 photos or 50.