The local gathering I’ve been apart of for the past year has these monthly classes of sorts where anyone can come to learn about Grace Gathering as a community, about our past, where we are, where we’re going, et cetera. There’s also this wonderful few hours of Q&A where anyone can ask Chris, our lead pastor, anything they want. It’s designed to help new people become acquainted with us and to possibly get some answers to a few questions. Typically people attend both classes and then get involved in some way or another. It’s is unusual that anyone would attend the classes on a monthly basis.

I am unusual.

When does anyone get a few hours to ask their pastor/teacher anything they want? Who gets this opportunity?

So every month, or as much as I could, I would show up to these classes to sit in and listen to Chris explain our gathering and our foundations, and I would listen to the people in the class ask their questions. I love observing people. I guess I’m a people-watcher, in a very non-stalker sort of way. I could sit in metro systems or libraries and just observe how people interact for hours. It fascinates me.

I discovered that, for the most part, people asked very similar questions in the Q&A portions of the evenings.

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What is salvation? Can it be lost? Or conversely, can it be found?

What are your thoughts on women pastors/leaders?

How can people die in terrible ways, like genocide, and all the while God apparently stands by without doing anything?

Why do people take some of the Bible literally and some of it as figurative?

Why so many denominations?

How can the death of one man on a cross literally do anything for me? Or to me?

How is it that some of my friends who aren’t followers of Jesus more Christian-like than most Christians I know?

Why is beer so good and yet Christians are so against it? And what is your favorite kind of beer? And do you have any here at these little sessions? And have you had Newcastle? Leinenkugel? Sam Adams Boston Lager? I know. Seriously.

Does God really forgive politicians and war criminals?

If Jesus is the “only” way to heaven, doesn’t that seem quite elitist?

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One time Chris actually let me field all of the questions for an evening. It was amazing. You might not have liked my responses. On the other hand, maybe you would have.

As I continued to go to these sessions and meet people and listen to their questions, something struck me as very odd:

The same questions that were being asked by people who don’t follow Jesus or by those who consider themselves as new followers of Jesus were the exact same questions that were being asked by the most brilliant female and male authors I’d been reading. The exact same questions. I would be reading something by N.T. Wright and he would ask a few questions about faith, not necessarily questions to his readers, but questions on his own heart, more so to God. And then I’d go to these sessions and I’d hear the same things.

Somewhere between the basic and the brilliant I believe we have lost something. Somewhere along the line I feel as though Christians feel as though they’ve got it. It’s as if we learn a one-liner about theology and then we’ve got that one figured out. Once saved always saved. There. Glad I can file that one away as “figured out”.

And it’s not that simple, is it?

It’s kind of like this van bench that I found one day when I was in Mexico. I came across it as I was walking through this village, looked at it, and wondered where it had been. I wondered about the conversations that taken place on it. On the outside it looked simple. Old. Plain.

But in its depths there was more. It was more complicated than it seemed. It has a past. It has been places. It’s being used or something now.

That’s how those questions seem to me. Even though they are as old as time, there is more there. For me it’s almost never a simple answer that can be memorized with a catchy one-liner. I want to examine everything. Again. And again. Because I don’t ever want to be caught between the basic and the brilliant.

_january || graduated from liberty university with a degree in music. didn’t go to the graduation ceremony in may. went running instead. it was a good choice. also grew a beard.

_february || got a temporary job at medical protective as a customer service representative for 2 months in order to save up some money to go traveling. i talked to doctors about their malpractice insurance. one time on the phone a doctor’s secretary called me a d***head. i laughed. best day of work. ever. i had my own cubicle one of those name badges on a zip line that attaches to your belt. i tended to wear it everywhere i went so i could zip it out really quickly to make known my presence. unfortunately blockbuster does not accept MedPro i.d. badges as a form of payment. whatever. also continued growing a beard.

_march || worked at MedPro. continued a beard. applied to mars hill graduate school in seattle. saved money. ate quite a few cheese toasties. planned out my travels. bought airline tickets, train tickets, and new gear. i love new gear.

_april || quit MedPro. began asking God to guide my steps and guard my heart every day. for the next 2 and a half months. flew to mexico. did some work on a roof of a church and led some music. flew home. flew to london. almost got deported. spent a few weeks in england, wales and edinburgh, glasgow, and glen nevis in scotland. went hiking. camping. took trains. drove on the left side of the road. met lots of fascinating people. the beard grew on. went to numerous wonderful pubs. stayed alive. it was a great month.

_may || went to brussels, belgium for a few days. went to paris, france to stay with some friends. saw the mona lisa. ate wonderful french food. got a little lost at times. stayed in an awful hostel. went to barcelona spain, then on to geneva, switzerland. got yelled at in swiss french for trying to buy coffee with euros. apparently not acceptable. left geneva because of the lady who yelled at me. i have a tender heart. went through zurich and on to vienna, austria. didn’t shave. went from vienna into slovakia to stay with some wonderful friends. got locked inside a flat. repelled out the window of the flat with some rope. 2 stories in the air. felt awesome. took a train to prague. ran a marathon on the day i was supposed to be at my graduation ceremony at liberty. jerry was not happy with me. whatever. took a train to munich, germany right before the world cup. met an aussie and traveled with him for a while. went to florence, italy and saw michaelangelo’s david. it’s big. i’m not. went to venice. it smells a bit like urine. went to rome. one of my favorite cities in europe by far. stayed at the best hostel of my trip. cheap wine with every meal. willie flew in to meet me and travel with me for the next month or so. went to bari, italy to catch a boat. took a boat with will from bari to patras, greece and then on to nafplion. got lost in greece. took a cab to get back to where we needed to be. happens. went from nafplion to athens. walked around athens for 3 hours trying to find a hostel. people in athens don’t like two travelers with beards who smell a bit too much like not taking a bath for weeks. happens. went from greece to macedonia. macedonia to serbia. spent a day in belgrade. went from belgrade to budapest, hungary, and from hungary back to the czech republic.

_june || led worship at a retreat for missionaries in malenovice, czech republic. best week of the trip. went with will back to slovakia for a week. went back to czech. went to auswitz, poland to the concentration camps. went back to czech. back to slovakia. stayed with amy and kenric and mike. all heroes. grew beard. all in all visted 19 countries. never regretted one moment. flew home. flew to seattle to interview at mars hill graduate school. seattle is neat. lots of coffee there. and democrats.

_july || shaved.

_august || got accepted to mars hill in seattle. deferred for a year. no money. got a job at a local church gathering as the music pastor for one year.

_september through november || led music at grace. learned about all the things they can’t teach you in college regarding working with/for people. went through a difficult time of self-realization. stopped shaving. started growing a beard again in preparation for a trip to uganda in march. almost got a date. didn’t happen. happens. someday. took a photography class. spent much time in the dark room making mistakes. discovered a new passion. spent lots of money on polaroids. worth every penny.

_december || threw a big party for low income communities in our area. fed 640 people. it was wonderful. had more times of self-realization. God is patient with me. grateful. very grateful. learning new things about Him and myself every day. painful but healing. beard growth moves forward.

ok. breathe.

this has been one of the greatest years of my life. it has been hard and good and restful and restless and joyous and sad and hopeful and disappointing and stretching and many, many other things. a roller coaster. i believe that I learned more about God and His calling on how to live more in this year than ever before. someone this year told me that i believed in too many ideals about life. i told them that the way of Jesus is the ideal. there is no better way to live. i hope that when i am 53 that i will be the most idealistic person i can be.

may God guide our steps and guard our hearts.

hello. welcome to my new space. i’m glad you’re here. all credit is due to jake the magician camara for all his wonders he worked in helping create this site. (i use the word helping very, very loosely. very. he did all the work. i just provided the conversation.) i love new beginnings and fresh starts, and this is one for me. all of my old writing is still available in the archives. have a look around. some new features to be explored. plenty of writing to come.

i walked into my office this morning and saw this on my desk. i don’t know if you have a world market in your town, but if you don’t then it’s worth moving to a place that does. world market has lots of furniture, food, beer, wine, and an assortment of delightful beauties from around the world. one of my favorites is the beers of the world 10 pack, which so gracefully appeared on my desk today. 10 different beers from 10 different countries. glory.
you know you work at the right church when this is the kind of christmas gift you get.

lastly, our big party to which you’re not invited is this coming saturday. our gathering has invited 1200 families from the lowest income areas in our city to join us for a feast. i think we’re way in over our heads. it’s going to be amazing. i’ll be sure to post photographs from the festival. go here to read about it. there’s still time if you’d like to come help and join us for the extravaganza.

thanks for stopping by. it is much appreciated.