My therapist, may he RIP (just kidding he’s not dead I don’t have any money so I can’t go anymore), and I had frequent conversations regarding my anger and the fact that it’s healthier if it goes somewhere and doesn’t stay bottled in my body all the time, where it only reeks havoc on my self.
So, Haduken.
AT&T, I give you $100 a month and you give me terrible coverage and dozens of dropped calls. Yes, it’s true, I willfully give you money and subscribe to your “service”, but whatever. I’m not being rational here. HADUKEN. Sorry all you people in line. My bad.
Damn #15 bus. I swear you have it out for me. You’ve literally passed me by twice in the past few weeks as I’ve stood at the bus stop, like a good citizen, quietly and patiently waiting for your arrival. In December I waited for you for an hour and a half, AN HOUR AND A HALF, in 15º weather. Just slightly late. Not your fault. No it is your fault HADUKEN.
Vampires kill people HADUKEN. Bad movies kill people HADUKEN.
FedEx Kinko’s, you are a necessary evil in my life. A normal conversation that I have with an employee when I go to your store:
Me: I’d like to have this PDF file printed at 11×14 on standard stock paper.
Employee: Is the file sized to 11×14?
Me: Yes.
Employee: I’ll see what I can do.
Me: Oh. Ok.
Employee: (after checking the file on his computer machine) The file is too large.
Me: Pardon? I’m fairly certain that I sized it exactly to 11×14 at 300 dpi.
Employee: It is at 11×14 at 300 dpi, but I’ll need to crop out some of the image to make it 11×14.
Me: Pardon?
Employee: It is at 11×14 at 300 dpi, but I’ll need to crop out some of the image to make it 11×14.
Me: No, no, I heard you. It was more of a rhetorical device never mind. So you’re saying that if I give you a file that is exactly 11×14, the size I want it printed at, with the correct dpi, that you need to crop some of the 11×14 image in order to print it at 11×14?
Employee: Yes. Also, even though your image is black and white, we’re going to need to print it on our color printer, which will cost you more.
Me: Haduken.
Also, the apostrophe in your name makes angry. Are you possessing something? No? Yes you are you’re possessing a GRAMMAR HADUKEN.
I have vowed, I-5, to never grace your presence again, but then one of my friends will be all Hey can you take me to the airport? and I’m all Sure we’ll take the 99 instead of the 5 and they’re all No we can’t because the viaduct is closed on the 99, but we’ll have plenty of time on the 5.
Plenty of time my HADUKEN.
The amount of sweat that my back produces is unfair.
Hi, I’m Joshua.
Hi, I’m (insert really any female’s name ever).
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too. What’s that on your back?
Nothing.
No, there’s something. I can see it. Is that back sweat? Are you serious? Is your back serious?
Yes. Quite. No don’t walk away please.
Every time. Sigh haduken.
Go ahead. You can do it too. It’s therapeutic.
